Today I went to La Belle Etoile mall to find some clothes for the charity Ball.

I learned a few things. First, at least at one supermarché, the security person at the entrance will seal any bags you may have from other stores. I’ve never seen this before. The security guard seemed a little miffed that I didn’t understand what she wanted to do. Actually, I understood what she was saying, I just didn’t know what she meant (why does she want to close my bags?). Obviously loss prevention is not something I think about often. Fortunately, “I’m sorry” is among the few things I know how to say in French, and that seemed to smooth things over.

It took me forever to find dress pants. One clerk even lamented that stores apparently do not carry them anymore. One pair I found had such thin legs that I could not put them on, even though the size was bigger than what I usually wear. I finally found some at C & A. When I held them up to me, the legs were pooling on the floor. So I tried on the “short” pants and viola! they fit, but “short”? I know I’m not tall, but I don’t think I’m short either.

I had a problem finding shoes that would fit. Once I found a style I liked, I would ask for it in my size. “Oh no, monsieur, that cannot be your size. That is very large.” I would promise that, indeed, that was my size, but the clerk would invariable return with the size he thought my feet really were. “This is not possible!” he would exclaim when the shoes did not fit. So he’d return to the back and try to find my size. Without fail, the biggest size they would have was one or two sizes too small. When I finally found some that I liked and that fit, I almost bought two pairs. So apparently I am a dwarf clown. That explains the looks I get around town.

The clerk who helped me with the shoes I eventually bought recommended using a protective spray, which they happened to sell. I could not understand what she was trying to tell me about “15 days.” We were able to communicate well enough that she could tell me that she did not mean every day for 15 days, but I stupidly could not catch on that she meant that I needed to spray my shoes with the protectant every 15 days. It was good of her to try to tell me this as the can had only pictogram instructions, which not only didn’t mention this aspect of using the product, but also are difficult for me to follow in general. So, and the point of this story is coming up, I looked on the company’s web site to see what I was supposed to do. After poking around a bit, I found the answer in their FAQ, which was apparently translated from the Dutch original. The number one question is: “How often should I impregnate my shoes?” While I would have thought that the answer was “never” it is in fact every two weeks ( I realize that “impregnate” is a perfectly good word to use in this context; it just struck me as a funny question when misinterpreted).